Making sense of it all…

There is no denying it now, that this year my family and I have been on quite a journey, and to be quite honest I am more than happy for it to end now.

I have been asked on numerous occasions whether if I had known what I was in for, would I have done anything different and my answer is no, but if I had known all I was to endure ahead of time, I’m not quite sure how well I would have taken it!

It is probably a good thing that I had to take everything day by day and only learnt about each obstacle in these delayed steps so to speak, as now when I summarize the whole story from the beginning for anyone – I am always taken aback at how horrified they look, and when I listen to the whole story it does just sound way more awful than I am ready to admit.

But the interesting part for me is that at no point have I been able to focus on the sheer terror of the physical stuff…it has always been just taking it “day by day” and struggling from one goal to the next as I do believe and have believed all along with all my heart that we will all be “normal” again and that we have been so blessed with all the miracles that although some days have gotten me down, I can’t really complain when I think firstly of how bad things could have been and secondly, each time I look at our beautiful baby girl I am just filled with gratitude! Aside from Olivia, I had so many good things waiting at home for me to fight for – so how could I not?

My main regret is for what I have particularly put my husband though…to watch the person you love, physically fading away, in continual pain and fighting to survive through 4 major operations and more, must have been soul destroying for him. But he has been so strong and so {together} and for that I am very thankful  and proud of him too.

After our little scare earlier this week, I am now praying desperately for this all to be over. Olivia is doing so well, this week she turns 0! August 15^th was her due date so we can now start to “age” her normally… she has just been the most amazing little mite and also been so strong with not one setback! I just want to be able to enjoy her properly, and be able to be there for my other two girls too! I feel I have missed out on so much of their lives this year.

Don’t get me wrong, the support we have received has been amazing! My single older brother has come to stay with us and taken on the job of “aupair” and has been simply fantastic with the girls – I couldn’t ask for more! And the support and love from the rest of the family and friends and both girls schools and so many others has also just been overwhelming!

But I have missed ballet concerts, sports days, and all the other little triumphs and tribulations that my girls have faced in the last year without the normal support and “on looking” from their mommy! Definitely some guilt issues for me to deal with there…

But as usual I always seem to come back to the fact that I am still here – alive and kicking! It could have been so much worse and I am once again so so thankful.

So to everyone who has supported us in any way I thank you from the bottom of my heart and ask that you all continue to pray for a full recovery and the return of our “normal” life!

xxx